Right then, where were we?

Did you miss me? (I missed you)

Hello you,

Did you think I’d abandoned you? Left you cold, unsatisfied, staring at your inbox like a hungry gaping bum-hole? I wouldn’t do that to you. Not on purpose.

I’ve been gone a month. Mentally, longer than that. I owe you an explanation, so here it is: I started a new job. A proper one, with meetings and a lanyard and everything. Turns out writing filth at 6am before spreadsheets is harder than it sounds, and something had to give. For four weeks, that something was you. I’m sorry. Truly.

But I’m back. And I’ve been thinking about you. A lot. In fact, I’ve been thinking about very little else, which is probably why I nearly called my new boss “dirty little cum-slut” on Tuesday.

Here’s the deal going forward. I can’t give you five stories a week anymore. I tried to make the math’s work and it simply doesn’t, not unless I give up sleep, food, or the job that pays my rent. So from now on, you’re getting three stories a week. Three proper ones. Three I’ve actually had time to sit with, tease out, and finish properly. You know I like to finish properly.

Think of it less as a reduction and more as a promotion. Quality over quantity. Longer foreplay, better payoff. I’d rather give you three stories that leave you breathless than five that leave you checking your phone.

The schedule, for those who like to plan:

• MONDAY — something to get you through the week

• WEDNESDAY — a midweek pick-me-up

• FRIDAY — a long, slow one for the weekend

First story lands Tuesday. It’s been sitting in my drafts for a fortnight, getting filthier by the day. I think you’ll like it. I know I do.

Thank you for sticking around. Thank you for not unsubscribing out of spite (I checked, you didn’t, and I love you for it). Thank you for being the sort of reader who makes writing this stuff worth every late night.

Now go and make yourself comfortable. I’ve got work to do.

MIA X X X